Dark Night of the Soul (December 2004)

I wrote this poem during a time when I felt completely empty inside. I think all Christians struggle with times in which the heavens seem brass, sending our prayers ringing right back to us. It feels like they never go past the ceiling. I have had several times like that in my journey with Christ, and it is in those times that my faith has been most challenged. Although by God’s grace I am not at this time in one of these periods that a wise person once called a “dark night of the soul,” I wanted to post this poem in the hopes that I would remember my longing for communion with God at that time, and that perhaps it may encourage someone else.

Blind in the gray day after day
Can’t see Your face. What is this place
Of question and doubt? Can’t figure it out.
Where are You, Oh God?
This valley’s so deep, the mount before me so steep.
How can I climb falling time after time?
Though the feet of a deer would soon bring me near
My feet are of clay.
Stumbling, falling, aching, calling,
Dark night of the soul. Lord, please make me whole.
When will it end? Can You call me Your friend?
Come rescue me, Lord.
Tears of despair, no joy found there.
My cup You can fill if only You will.
Here is my life, give me smooth roads or strife.
Just give me Yourself.
Broken down, I pin You down,
Bless me now, change my name.
Leave me crippled or leave me lame,
I won’t let You go ’til Your face You show.
Fill my story with Your glory,
Give me joy, may it overflow.
Nothing else matters unless You I know.
Still praise to the King I will evermore sing.
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