Finding the humor

This blog is seriously helping me cope with life these days.  Things that would ordinarily frustrate the heck out of me are now being looked at in a whole new light:  “At least I can blog about it.”  Like last night:  I worked hard all day yesterday and was proud of my efforts.  My house, at least the clutter, was clean both upstairs and down.  I spent some time outside picking up shingles out of the yard (backbreaking or knee-straining work not necessarily suited to those who are 37 weeks pregnant, but I did it anyway).  My kids were in bed and, so far, not making a peep.  My husband had cleaned out my garage so I was going to be able to park the van in there again.  Life was good, and all I wanted or had energy for was to sit on my couch, watching diving and swimming while waiting on the American women to compete in the gymnastics finals.  Then we heard the door.  Clay got up and opened it to find a strange young woman who immediately started talking faster than I’ve ever heard anyone talk before.  She offered him a can of Glade airspray and asked if we could give her a few minutes and some honest opinions about cleaning supplies.  Keep in mind that it is about 8:45 at night.  So what does my lovely husband say?  “Sure, come on in!”  She looks totally shocked and says she needs to go tell her boss.  She comes back with another guy who then lugs in about three big boxes into my living room.  Girl leaves guy there to do his thing.  He proceeds to ask us to go get our vacuum cleaner, puts together his monstrous Kirby, and for the next hour shows us how crappy our vacuum cleaner is and how wonderful the Kirby is.  This involved him vacuuming a patch of floor with ours, and then running over the same patch with the Kirby about 20 different times, taking the filter out each time to show us all the dirt that our vacuum cleaner was missing.  This was very encouraging.  Elliot and Elisabeth both needed comforting during this process.  I was getting irritated.  Then he pops it up onto my couch, asking us if we ever sleep there.  When I told him I do sometimes, he vacuumed the couch cushion and then showed me all the crud that we’re sitting on, laying on, and breathing in.  Clay finally just cut in and told him he could save himself the trouble, we weren’t going to buy one, but he insisted on finishing the whole spiel so that he could win 2 nights at a casino hotel in Vegas.  At one point, he asked us what time we go to bed.  I immediately looked at Clay, begging with my eyes for him to say 9:30, which was five minutes away, but my honest husband said, “Oh, not until about 11.”  The guy assured us he’d be done by then.  He showed us all the attachments, extolled the glories of the shampooer, and assured us that if the last woman was a single mom of two kids making $800 a month and she was able to buy one, that we definitely could too.  He also told us how great it was that he was building up his credit by paying for his own Kirby.  Clay asked him if he was done paying for it, and he laughed and said, “No way.  I’m only on like the fourteenth month.”  !!!  How many months do you pay for these stinking things?!?  As he was about to leave, he said, “Do you even know how much a Kirby costs?”  We said no.  He said calmly, “About $2100.”  I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help it.  I think we paid about $65 for our terrible Eureka, which we didn’t know was terrible until last night.  He got off track and said, “What was I saying?”  I said, “I think you were saying something about paying more than $2000 for a vacuum cleaner!”  He was quick to remind me that it’s a cleaning system, not a vacuum cleaner, to which Clay was quick to inform him that we just put a whole new roof on our house for less than that.  He finally graciously took his exit, with about 5 minutes to go before gymnastics came on at 10:00.  Then we looked at the carpet.  When he spun our vacuum cleaner in the air, it had flung dirt out onto the floor.  When he had vacuumed the same patch of carpet over and over, he had knocked over the dirty filters that were lying on the floor, leaving all the dirt that had been buried underneath our carpet lying right on top.  So after the vacuum cleaner salesman had left, we had to vacuum.

Thank goodness I have a blog to help me keep things in perspective.

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3 Responses to Finding the humor

  1. Mom says:

    You are smarter than your parents. When the Kirby man showed up on our doorstep the summer after we were married we let him demonstrate the wonderful Kirby just to get a free carton of Cokes. We also bought the wonderful Kirby and I don’t remember how many years it took us to pay for it. This was 1972 so it didn’t cost $2000, but it was still a lot. I must say we used that wonderful Kirby until 1998 when we built our house and installed a central vacuum.

  2. Tara Wesley says:

    I had this happen to me. I was home alone, and have no idea why I answered the door. Well, yes I do. The lady wouldn’t quit banging on the door and it was driving my dogs nuts. I told her that I wasn’t interested but she barged in anyways. She went throw the same routine as you experienced and was wanting to win a trip to Hawaii. She was there for two hours. I even told her I had a night class that I had to log on to (I really did) and she just kept on going. I even got my lap top out and logged on and everything and started chatting. I thought I was going to have to call the cops to get her to leave. If I had the money to drop on a vacuum like the Kirby, I probably would have just to get her to leave my house. :)Hope everything goes well for ya in the weeks to come. I’m excited to see what you are having. 🙂 God Bless.

  3. Jessica says:

    Hilarious!!
    We’ve had them come in, and I think I laughed out loud when they told us the price, too. As if we are going to go into consumer debt for a vacuum (ahem, “cleaning system”)! 🙂
    The sad part is, if he was telling the truth about the single mom with 2 kids who could afford one, she probably couldn’t “afford” it any more than the rest of us.

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