…how to remove clothing from their bodies.
…going along with that, how to remove diapers from their bodies, especially when said diapers are not clean.
…that Mommy and Daddy stay awake and watch TV or do other fun and exciting things after the children go to bed.
…that sometimes, while Mommy and Daddy are still awake after the children are in bed, they pull out ice cream or other fun treats that the children did not even know were in the house.
…how to climb up onto the toilet seat and reach things they shouldn’t be reaching.
…how to climb up onto the bed to “play” with baby when baby is (or was) sleeping.
…how to climb out of strollers, high chairs, carseats, etc.
…how to climb. Period.
…where the candy is kept.
…that candy tastes good, come to think of it.
…that chocolate exists.
…where the lotion, shampoo, makeup, diaper cream, toothpaste–anything that can be squeezed–is kept.
…that Mommy and Daddy don’t know everything.
…that older sisters get to stay awake and do fun things, like homeschool, during naptime.
…that pushing the right combination of buttons on aforementioned older sister results in fireworks to rival the fourth of July.
…that stepstools allow them to reach all kinds of neat, forbidden things.
Now, tell me this: how can they figure all of these things out by the age of 2 or 3, and yet still not be able to figure out…
…that whining for something after being told no will not help them get whatever it is.
…that yes, they do need to go to the potty every morning when they wake up.
…not to lay down face first on the driveway to eat the snow that is barely covering the ground.
…that their coat does not belong in the middle of the living room floor.
…that if the van is still moving, then no, we are not there yet.
…that we do not take toys to church.
…that Daddy will not leave without saying goodbye, and that he will come home again, so they don’t have to wail and cry everytime he leaves–especially since he’s just going to work, which he does every day and which is just two minutes away and he’ll be back in a few hours for lunch!
…that no, it’s not morning yet if it’s still completely dark.
…that there is a sink just perfect for putting their dishes in when they’re through with them.
…that being asked to pick up their toys is not a request worthy of wailing: “I’m just like Cinderella! I have to do all the chores in the whole house!”
…that “shirtsleeve” is not a synonym for “Kleenex.”
But I guess as long as they figure out pretty early that Mommy and Daddy are great snugglers and listeners and cheerleaders and teachers and tear-dry-ers, then all will be well. And I guess I shouldn’t worry about all these unlearned lessons–they’ll learn them pretty quickly– as soon as I become a grandmother.