Since I am fortunate to have Facebook on my iPod touch, and since I am fortunate to be able, on that application, to still have a page for nothing but status updates, I get to read lots and lots of status updates with just the touch of a finger. Since I have committed to refrain from using this blog as a venue to vent frustrations, I am going to try to phrase the following “etiquette guideline” as straightforward, unsolicited advice, not just venting and whining.
1. Do not cuss in your Facebook status. I mean, really. I’m scrolling down, browsing through people’s lives, and then your profanity smacks me in the face. Just don’t do that. It lacks class, and most people don’t want to see it.
2. Do not use your Facebook status to complain about how bored you are. You sound whiny and spoiled. There is plenty for you to do, get up and go do something. Or at least think of something a little more substantial to say on your status.
3. It’s kind of rude to post cryptic statuses that only one or two people are going to understand. I get it that inside jokes are fun and giggly, but most of us are on the outside. Just saying.
4. I don’t really need to know that you’re sitting in the living room, or watching your favorite tv show, or eating a Reese’s cup, or going to bed, or about to leave. Tell me how you are, what you’re thinking, something funny that happened.
5. Just a note: when you say that you are writing a paper, doing homework, cleaning your house, doing laundry, or anything else other than typing a Facebook status, your status really isn’t true, you know.
6. When you have a song stuck in your head, don’t do what I did the other day and post the lyrics. I apologize from the bottom of my heart, although I’m thinking that none of you knew that song anyway. But that same day, about five other people did that, and all they accomplished was getting their song stuck in my head, too. Until I did that, I never noticed the effect it would have. I’ll never do it again. Just because one person is being tortured by some never ending song, doesn’t mean everyone else has to be. (Posting lyrics in order to convey the message within is a different case entirely, by the way.)
7. Maybe I’m just not in on the new cool trends, but I don’t get the new thing of repeating letterssss within or at the end of wordssss. If there is a point to this, please enlighten me. Otherwise, it just seems ssssilllllyyyy.
8. Please keep in mind: your Twitter update looks really strange and is hard to read when you import it in as your Facebook status. Similarly, even if you’re updating your status from your phone, go on and actually spell the words out. Don’t use text language. We don’t all Tweet, and we don’t all speak text.
Okay, those are the main “misuses” of a Facebook status, in my maybe-not-so-humble opinion. When you post your status, tell a story or share a thought or encourage us or give us an opportunity to encourage you. Share an accomplishment, share a prayer request, share what God’s been doing in your life. Tell us something funny that happened that day, or something ridiculous that happened. There are so many possibilities, so many ways you can use your status to make someone smile, or a lot of people smile. Basically, remember what your mama taught you: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
Now, I’ll be quiet, since I didn’t really follow that age old advice in this post. And I better really think about my statuses from now on. You guys will catch me if I slip up and break my own etiquette guidelines!!