Life from Samuel’s perspective

Credit for this blog post goes to my dear hubby, who made some observations the other day about how Samuel has learned to cope in this family. Give a baby 14 months, and he will learn some pretty advanced skills for surviving in the family in which God has placed him. Here is some of what Samuel has learned:

* If you drop something, go ahead and say “No-no” because that is what someone is about to say to you.

* If Elisabeth comes anywhere near you, just go on and start crying to save time.

* If someone is trying to dress you, hug you, or otherwise bother you, start saying “Owwww, owwwww” over and over until they stop.

* If your mom lays you down for a nap, and you don’t want to take a nap, but she just keeps coming in to lay you down again, go on and fill up your diaper, forcing her to release you from your prison-crib for at least a few minutes.

* After your diaper is changed, if she insists on laying you back down, stand up in your crib and start banging on the wall. She’ll be in there in a flash because she’ll be afraid you’ll wake up your sister who is napping in the adjoining room.

* The proper response to the smiling, hug-giving parent who comes to get you after you wake up is to point at your toys and demand, “Ball!”

* You do not have to walk. You can get anywhere you want by crawling like the wind, or climbing on every available surface. If either of these fails you, don’t worry. Someone will just pick you up and carry you.

* If you’re whining and being ignored, simply bang your head on the floor. Yes, it will hurt, but at least it will upgrade your whine to a real cry and you will finally get picked up, which is what you wanted all along.

* If you don’t like your supper, simply throw every piece into the floor. Your parents will get so desperate for you to just eat something, that they’ll eventually start bringing out the good stuff because they know you’ll eat it. That way, you can end up eating cheese, yogurt, bananas, or goldfish at every meal if you want.

* When you’re told to tell someone night-night, this means you may as well go on and start leaning toward them because they’re going to ask for a kiss next.

* When your sisters work hard at putting all their princess toys and Littlest Pet Shop toys and dollhouse toys and My Little Pony toys into their separate baskets, they are doing this so that as soon as their done, you can go behind them and throw every one of them back out into the floor.

* If your sisters then insist on playing at the table with their toys, supposedly so that you can’t reach them, you can show them who’s boss by figuring out how to climb up into a chair, giving you easy access to climb up onto the table and then the loot is all yours.

* And finally, when your sisters continuously torment you by putting pink necklaces on you and giving you baby dolls and trying to otherwise feminize you, just act like you enjoy it. After all, you already weigh as much as one sister, and the time will come when you can just flatten them all.

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