Wow. It has been close to a year since my last post. I have now missed posting for a birthday for every kid, an entire pregnancy, and the birth of our sixth child, not to mention all the random moments in between. Why did I stop, and why start back now?
I guess the main reason I stopped is that I wanted to quit posting my life and start living my life. It seemed like every situation, every fun outing, every special event was spent analyzing what photo op would look great on my post, what quotes were cute enough to include in my post, what insight I could draw, what lesson I learned, what rant I could vent–all in my post. It felt like I was viewing life through a lens for the analysis of the moment instead of actively participating just for the moment itself. I just got tired of it.
But there were other reasons too. I grew tired of the way the Internet and social media makes everyone suddenly an expert. People post their statuses and write their blogs spouting off their opinions as if they are Scripture and anyone who disagrees ends up getting burnt at the stake. As I grew tired of seeing this, I realized that I was just as guilty in my own posts, and it scared me away.
Also, I grew tired of the narcissism that breeds on blogs and social media. Frankly, I don’t care what you ate for dinner, what you watched on TV, or what you think about the ballgame. The easy ability to post our every thought–whether on WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, or countless other sites–soon convinces us that is exactly what we need to do. But again, as I grew tired of this, I realized how guilty I was of this very annoyance. Another way the narcissism showed up in my own life, made possible by the instant access to my blog and Facebook page on my phone, was the way I found myself constantly checking my latest status/post to see if anyone had commented yet, and being disappointed when I didn’t get the number or tone of comments that I had hoped for.
I was becoming a slave to my posting–both in constantly composing statuses and blog posts in my mind in every situation, and then in obsessively checking them after they had been published to see the response they brought. I had just had enough. So I quit.
So why start back now?
When I first quit, I actually thought I might be done for good. I was that “over it.” But I’ve known for awhile now that I would need to start again. Blogging is very therapeutic for me. It helps me process my own thoughts, process what the Lord is doing in my heart. I feel almost compelled. What will make the difference this time? How will I keep from becoming burnt out again, or falling right back into the narcissism trap? Honestly, I’m not completely sure. I’m going to try to blog in the grace of the Lord. Try to be more authentic–no more glossing over to make my mothering or anything else sound rosier than it really is. I am going to try not to blog to impress. I pray that the Lord would use something in my future posts to help encourage you, or cause you to think about a situation in a new light, or just to brighten your day, but I’m going to try to not become a slave to your opinion again. Try to share the thoughts He gives me to share, share the nuggets He allows me to find, share the blessings He pours out on my life, and then leave the glory to the Lord. I’m sure I will falter again, falling into any or all of the traps I’m trying to dance around, but I’m counting on His grace to wake me back up and become focused on blogging for His glory once again.
So, here we go….