I love to read Matt Walsh’s posts. If you lean conservative and think logically, you would probably love them too. I rarely ever disagree with him.
But last week I did.
His post, “My marriage wasn’t meant to be,” has a message with which I almost agree.
The general theme of his article is to say that the notion of waiting and hoping to find “the one” that’s out there for you is foolish. To think that in the billions of people on the planet there is only one special someone that you are destined to be with, he says, is ridiculous.
We think that our task is to find this preordained partner and marry them because, after all, they’re “The One.” They were designed for us, for us and only us. It’s written in the stars, prescribed in the cosmos, commanded by God or Mother Earth. There are six or seven billion people in the world, but only one of them is the right one, we think, and we’ll stay single until we happen to stumble into them one day.
Now, I agree with his practical solution to this way of thinking. I agree that to go through life lamenting the fact that you haven’t found The One, wondering in despair how you ever will, is ridiculous. I also agree with him when he says that someone becomes The One for you because you chose them. I agree that love is a choice, instead of something that mystically happens to you when you, by chance, happen to cross paths with the one person in 7 billion that was meant for you.
But I don’t agree with this:
This person wasn’t made for you. It wasn’t “designed” to be.
See, I believe in a God who not only made the universe and everything in it, but He actively controls the universe and everything in it. Including my life. Including who I marry, if I do marry.
Psalm 139:13-16 says this:
13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
If God formed every part of me–which I believe includes my personality, my soul–then it doesn’t seem to be too much of a stretch that He would form someone else who complements me in a way that no one else could, if He does indeed have marriage in His plan for me.
But here’s why this shouldn’t stress you out, making you spend your days in panic that you might walk right by this person and miss them, or never meet them at all and be doomed to never marry or languish in a less-than-stellar marriage with someone who isn’t your soulmate:
If He wrote every one of your days in His book before your life even began, and if He does have marriage for you, then wouldn’t He write in the day for you to meet this person He created to complement you?
Proverbs 21:1 says “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.”
The God who created you, and who created this person with whom you can have a God-glorifying marriage is not going to accidentally plant you on opposite sides of the globe, or let one of you sleep late the day you were supposed to bump into each other on the bus.
God placed both sets of my grandparents in the same town where my parents could meet and marry and raise their family. And he moved my husband’s family to several places in Tennessee and Alabama, even Brazil, before they ended up in that very same town where they had no family, no background, and at the very church I attended. Do I think that was coincidence? Absolutely not.
God orchestrated the choices of our parents and grandparents, not to mention our own choices, so that we would be together at the right time to fulfill His plan for us–marriage to each other. God created my husband for me, and me for my husband.
So, do people sometimes make wrong choices and marry the wrong person?
Yes. And no.
See, God has a revealed will, and a secret will. In His revealed will, we know that believers are to marry other believers, that we should be sexually pure before and after marriage, and other principles that apply here. People unfortunately go against this will all the time.
But God’s secret will is how things that seem wrong happen without knocking God off His plan. Sometimes, He chooses to use “mistakes” to accomplish His secret, greater purposes. We will not fully understand this. It’s why God is so much bigger than us. But we can rest in it. And as far as marriage goes, because His revealed will also states that He hates divorce, then we can know that even if it appears that someone married the “wrong” person, then God had a purpose for that marriage. Otherwise He would have stopped it before it happened.
So I agree when Matt Walsh says, “But in marriage we choose each other, we consecrate that choice, God fuses our souls together, and that’s it. We have permanently altered our reality, our identity, through one choice.”
The moment you are married, the deal is sealed. Maybe there were several godly men in your life. Maybe you had more than one possibility or even more than one offer and now you’re second-guessing–did you make the right choice?? If you married one, then that’s the one for you. He could have wrecked your car on the way to the church to stop you from marrying this guy if it wasn’t His plan for you for His own secret reason. If He didn’t stop you, then He has a plan for your marriage.
Obviously, I’m not trying to lay a guilt trip on those whose marriages ended because of the other person’s decisions. This is heartbreaking–I’ve seen it happen to people I love and it really wasn’t their fault. I will say, though, that God has some sort of good plan for you even in the midst of that pain.
But to those who have fallen prey to the foolish notion that maybe, the reason your marriage isn’t perfect is because this wasn’t really The One and you should start looking again, I say this: don’t torture yourself wondering if The One is still out there. If you’re married, this is now the one for you. Period.
So I agree with Matt Walsh that it’s foolish to ignore possibilities around you while you stress out over finding The One. And I agree that love is something you choose to do. And I agree that marriage seals the deal and makes that person the one. But I disagree with him when he says a marriage was not designed to happen. The God who created me and created my husband also controlled the events that brought us together, and the fact that our marriage did indeed happen proves that it was His design, since nothing happens apart from His plan.
It reminds me of the end of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, when Harry finds out that Neville Longbottom also fit the prophecy of who would have to go against Voldemort. When Harry hears this, he protests that maybe it is Neville, not him, who must fight Voldemort. But Dumbledore says, “You are forgetting the next part of the prophecy, the final identifying feature of the boy who could vanquish Voldemort…Voldemort himself would mark him as his equal. And so he did, Harry. He chose you, not Neville.”
Harry was meant to kill Voldemort because Voldemort sealed the prophecy by choosing Harry.
I was meant to marry my husband. The sealing of our marriage proves it.